"I Did it Alone" is NOT The Flex We Think it is

To know me is to know that I pride myself in being self-sufficient and relying on myself to do what needs to get done. In fact, it is one of my favorite qualities about myself and for the most part, I trust that I can at least attempt to get things done before asking for help. However, in my development, I am realizing that there is beauty, strength, and purpose in going together. There’s an African adage that says: “if you want to go fast go alone; if you want to go far, go together" and maturity has taught me that the latter is true. I watched a clip of Issa Rae giving a speech for an award she received and while I know that it was intended for comical purposes, some of the sentiments she shared are actual values that some of us hold dear. In the speech she spoke about how women are socialized to be humble even when they deserve to stand and be proud of their accomplishments. To echo the energy of her favorite hip hop rappers, she used the speech as a way to ‘big’ herself up and said 'entrepreneur means I did that sh*t by myself”. The speech was entertaining and I understood the point she was trying to make but it got me thinking about many of us who hold those sentiments as a core value.

How many of us suffer in silence because we view asking for help as a sign of weakness? How many of us take the longer route because we refuse to ask those who have gone before us to show us the way? We glamourize this idea of being ‘self-made’ even though the reality is, nobody truly is. In big or small ways, we are who we are because of the contributions of others, yet and still; we maintain that doing it alone somehow makes us superior. The reality however is that doing it alone is lonely and shows a lack of trust in anything or anyone other than yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way condoning some sort of co-dependency whereby you can’t make any move unless you rally some people to support you. What I am saying however, is that sometimes the load can be lighter if we choose to share it with our trusted core.

When I become more financially successful and grow my brand into all that I know it can be, I will be proud to say that my people showed up for me. I will be proud to say that my sister commented, reposted, and liked everything I did. She championed me both publicly and privately with every word of encouragement or the random text message of her telling me that my channel got new subscribers. I will be proud to share that my mom used her basement tv to play all of my YouTube videos over and over again to help me get these views. I will be proud to say that my fiancé started an entire TikTok account (even though he doesn’t care to be there) just to cheer me on. I will be proud to say that when I earned only $91 after cleaning for an entire month and bawled my eyes out, my fiancé and sister picked up my slack and showed up for me. I will be proud to share that when I started my cleaning company, my fiancé was the first financial investor who also used his spare time going door to door to share my business cards. There are many times that my people came to clean for me because I was unwell, busy, or out of town without pay and so when I make it, I will be so proud to say that the fire of my village kept me warm.

Reflection: as you start this week, I want to challenge you to pay attention to whenever your ego gets in the way of you seeking help. Pay attention to when you take on more than you're capable of handling. Pay attention to those times you wear 'doing it alone' as a badge of honor and ask yourself where that lie is rooted. Please ask for help, lean on your support group (family, friends, therapy, church etc.) and if you don’t have one yet; work on building it. Whatever you have to do, please don’t forfeit the peace that comes with sharing this life’s burdens with others.