Intentionality: why we should all practice it

My birthday tomorrow

Have you all ever dealt with those annoying people that make their birthdays such a big deal? They will somehow insert their birthday in every conversation:

I am so sorry you lost your job, as I’m getting older; cause you know my birthday is coming up in 12 days, I’m just learning a lot about letting go.

It often doesn’t even make sense how they can insert their birthday into the topic but somehow, it pokes its head. If you don’t know anyone like that, allow me to introduce myself: My name is Benedicte and I am obsessed with my birthday. It is my opinion that my birthday should be a national holiday but fortunately for you all, it is not.

The thing I love most about my birthday is the level of joy, peace, and fun I’m able to have all throughout the month. September is always my favorite month of the year and I have realized that I’m the happiest then. This doesn’t mean that my life miraculously becomes void of struggles once September hits, it just means that I am more intentional with my joy and peace.

Girl please explain

In my reflections, I’m realizing that our fulfillment in life is correlated with our willingness to be radically intentional with our everyday choices. I am not at all suggesting that all of the hard things that happen to us in life are due to lack of intentionality. There are battles that we all face that can not be explained away with anything other than "life be lifing" (things just happen). People getting sick, losing loved ones, or just natural tragedies that occur in the world cannot be explained away as a lack of intentionality on anyone’s part. What I am saying however, is that there are other things within our reach if we choose to grab hold of them.

I don’t know when it happened but I subconsciously decided that September will always be a joyful month for me. It’s been at least 5 years now and every single year, I experience a certain level of calmness and joy that I can honestly attribute to an intentional decision to prioritize those things. People still tap dance on my last nerves. Sometimes I’m broke. Other times, I genuinely feel like turning my own skin inside out because things don’t go my way. With all that still happening, there’s been a choice to still show up joyful. Now that I’ve been able to name what makes September different from the rest of the year, my goal is to now apply this mindset all throughout the year. This doesn't make my life perfect, it just makes it more joyful.

How I am more intentional

The great thing about all of this is that you get to define what this looks like for you. For me, this often looks like slowing down, taking care of myself, and creating moments of joy.

• Slowing down: I realize that I often move too fast and don’t allow myself to fully enjoy the little things. Being intentional in this area has allowed me to pay attention, enjoy all my senses, or simply just blow my food so I’m not repeatedly burning the roof of my mouth. And while we’re here, dear black people: your mouth doesn’t have a built-in fan to cool off the food already in your mouth. Blow your food outside your mouth because you look ridiculous.

• Taking care of myself: I make it a point to actually dress nice and it’s true what they say, when you look good, you feel good. Sometimes though, it means going to the gym, spending time with God or alone in my thoughts, and doing some internal work to be a healthy and kind member of society. Being intentional about this allows me the space to be grateful for who I already am and what I have; while challenging me to better myself.

• Creating moments of joy: I hate that rom-coms have convinced us that beautiful moments only happen spontaneously. Putting thought into your dinner, planning an outing, or scheduling time to do things that you like will create those moments of joy. If you like being around people, plan a simple dinner and invite your favorite people to attend. This gives you room to create moments that are meaningful to you instead of waiting for things to just happen. For my birthday I often plan a trip, go out to eat, and hang with the people I enjoy. This intentional shift in my mindset has also allowed me to drop unrealistic expectations that I often set on others to know what I'm thinking and magically make it happen.

In conclusion

These steps will not suddenly change our lives but if we all commit to practicing them more often, we all benefit as a collective. There’s a reason December is the most wonderful time of the year. People choose kindness, community, and care for the other. There isn’t a magical being in the sky sprinkling joy or wonder in our lives. It’s people deciding to be intentionally kind, giving, and more loving of one another that creates the magic of the holiday season.